True Confessions of a Lap Band Mom

Life just after bariatric surgery is a mixed bag. It has been a little over a week since my procedure and I am still in some pain. Also, I have a lot of emotions, add to that (cover your eyes dudes that are scared of women’s bodies) the fact that two days after surgery I started my monthly adventure (there I cushioned it a little), I think I might just have all of the emotions right now.  Going in I knew that this would be a challenge and a new way of life and all that.  But the reality of it all hit me just after I was parked in my overnight hospital room. I may be mistaken but I think I turned to my friend and said “Holy Shit. I just got Lap Band”. I could be wrong about that, I may not have said that out loud at all (that day is a little fuzzy), but I know I was thinking it. It was like every consequence of my decision hit me in that instant. BAM right in the brain…WAKE UP…YOU JUST HAD LIFE ALTERING SURGERY…DID YOU KN

OW?!?

Yes, I researched and prayed and prepared. I drug Minion number 3 all over creation looking for specific types of drinks for the post-op diet. I suffered through hell week of all liquids, no protein. I was ready. Until it happened, then, not so much. Don’t get me wrong, I still believe I made the right decision.  I have already lost quite a few pounds, and that is great. I regret nothing except for my “last meal” Burger King. What was I thinking? Mexican food! ALWAYS Mexican food.

I could write this blog post from a different point of view. I could tell you that my life has changed for the better, and I already feel great due to the weight that I have lost. I could tell you about the confidence that I have gained just by knowing that I had the surgery.  And don’t worry, all of that is there, a piece of the puzzle that currently makes up my transitional existence, but there is more to it than that. If I’m going to write honestly then I won’t hold back.  

Today is a good example of the “mixed bag” that I spoke of. It was #3’s first day of pre-k (HALLELUJAH). After getting rid of him…excuse me, dropping him off and kissing him goodbye (which he’s already too cool for by the way) I decided to get in one of my required 15 minute walks for the day. I had the park to myself and did it no problem. As I got into the car I decided that wasn’t enough so I drove to a different park and did 30 more minutes. That made me feel pretty good about myself. I then spent the remainder of the morning checking out gyms in my area. In the past when I have entered a gym, even one that I frequent, I have always felt crazy self-conscious. I always have the sense that the skinnies and the muscles are looking at me with scoffing eyes that are saved for judging fatties and their fatty friends. But not today. Today, I entered every one of those places with confidence because I know that I am doing something about my weight and my health and to hell with anyone who wants to judge me. It was a powerful feeling, and I quite enjoyed it.

Tonight, however, I am sad because my family is at an event at church that I am not attending because it involves dinner and dessert. I had been feeling depressed most of the afternoon, and I wasn’t sure why. Then I had the chance to talk to my best friend on the phone. I got to say things out loud that had not yet been given a voice. I realized that I miss life. I haven’t been to church in a few weeks because I am avoiding prying eyes and donuts. I just went back to work yesterday, but as I am part time I won’t be back until Saturday. I miss being in the world. But that’s not all, that’s not even the biggest thing…

True Confessions Time…

I miss chewing. Sipping and slurping food just isn’t doing it for me anymore. I want to pick up a pretzel, put it in my mouth, and chew it. I want to eat food with taste and texture. I want to cook something other than instant grits. Now here’s where it gets really bad…bear with me…

I have an adorable next door neighbor, she is 15 and all 3 of my boys are in love with her. Her school is doing a fundraiser and she knows that if she asks my boys will find a way to give her their money. So I got a text the other night “Do the boys want to buy some meat sticks?” Now, I ask you, what would you do if you got a text like that? I ignored it. This afternoon she came by and asked. It turns out the high school is selling slim-jim type meat snacks. But come on, meat sticks? I can’t be the only one that giggled at that. Anyway, the boys each got one, and she was on her way. As I sat trying to help 1 and 2 with homework the aroma of the meat stick wafted up my nose. I was powerless to its draw so, I did the unthinkable. I took the little one’s (easiest to overpower) and took a bite. I savored that beast, I chewed and tasted it, and it was all that I wanted it to be. Then, I spit it out, because, what the hell else was I going to do? So, there, my true confession for the day. I chewed up and spit out a meat stick. (take that how you will)

There are of course more layers. I am living in a time of transition, from week to week my diet is changing. My body is not yet fully healed, and I am having to live with in that reality. There are things about my life that I have accepted will never be the same again, but due to the transitioning, I have not yet settled into my new reality yet.

So that is me for now. I will post again soon, until then, keep the good vibes coming, and thank you all for your support. 

Mother's Day 2017. This was the picture that made me stop and say "Yup, I'm doing this."