I'm still fat damnit!

Not long after I got home from having Lap Band surgery the two littles approached me. They had Big eyes and nervous looks on their faces so I knew they had either done something wrong or were about to do something wrong. As they loomed the bigger one (Minion #2) shoved the smallest (Minion #3) in front as though urging him to take the bullet.

#3 : Um, Mommy, I gots a question. No, WE gots a question.

#2 stood silently trying to make himself shorter than his little brother (which, incidentally is not hard to do).

Me: Yes? What is it my darling sweetness? (Yes, I did say that, sometimes it works to throw them off)

#3: Well you had you surgeries? And then you said it was gonna make you…you know…um...” turns to his brother….

#2: I think what he means Mommy, is that, well…You remember you said you were gonna have this surgery?

Me: Yes?

#2: And then after your surgery, you know it was gonna change stuff….

#3: (cutting off his brother) Mommy? Why is you still fat?

What I wanted to say was “No shit right?!” I mean yes, I have lost about 30 lbs which is great and all, but in the past week it seems to have stopped. No, I’m lying, it went up 2 lbs and then stopped. What the hell I’m only like 3 weeks out and I have already hit a plateau?  I know that is part of weight loss but come on, my incision isn’t even healed yet! At least when I got cut open to have a baby 3 weeks later, I had a bigger baby. I was kind of hoping for the opposite…you know…3 weeks later no longer look like I’m expecting a baby.

As I bitched about this inwardly, and o.k. let’s be honest, outwardly to The Pastor it occurred to me that perhaps I should start watching my caloric intake. So I downloaded a great app www.baritastic.com/, for anyone who may need it. This app is fantastic, it helps me track my water, my protein, my supplements, everything. I was super excited about it until it turned on me and told me I was taking in too many calories. Now I hate it. Turns out 600-800 calories a day gets eaten up pretty quick (Get it? Eaten up?). So I am having to learn how to budget calories more carefully than I ever have.

Today being the exception, I am not hungry all that often. When it’s time to eat I HAVE to eat but otherwise I don’t find that I am starving all of the time like I once was. I am finding that my biggest hurdle is the desire to snack. I love to snack. I love snack foods. And I love mindless empty calories. Now if I decide to have a snack, it had better count towards my protein or at least have fiber. And I have to think ahead about how that snack will affect my calories for dinner. It’s all so organized and responsible, so…adult. And, if you are asking “What have you chewed up and spit out recently?” My response would be “Nothing, thank you very much.” Except that would be a lie. The real answer is extra cheesy pretzel Goldfish crackers…I know. I know. I feel shame.

But things aren’t as tragic as they seem. Except in this moment, for some reason today, I am exceptionally hungry and in desperate need of caffeine. Which I haven’t had for two and a half weeks thank you very much.

Things are actually going pretty well other than the damned pounds that won’t go away. I joined a gym this week. AND I worked out that very same day. Now, I know this doesn’t seem like a big deal to some, but for me it is. I haven’t been active at a gym since Minion #1 was a toddler (he will be 11 in Nov.)  I am not the type that likes to look foolish or look like I do not know what I am doing. So this was extra challenging with the gym ladies watching. I should explain. The gym I joined is an all-female gym. I like this for many reasons, however, there seems to be a group of retired-aged ladies that like to hang out and chat all morning. They are all very nice, but they like to watch and make sure everyone is doing everything properly while they sit and gossip. I know that I am going to grow to love them, and I have no doubt I will have many “gym lady” stories to share. In fact, my next blog may just be about the experience of joining the gym. I am also walking more and building up strength and stamina. It is a good feeling to know that I am working my body towards a goal.

An even better feeling however is one that happened today…

We live within walking distance from the boy’s elementary school, and they walk every day. Husband has walked them before, but I never have. I am not a morning person and the 5-10 minute walk has always seemed extremely daunting. This morning #2 asked if I would walk him to school. Without hesitation, I said “Yeah, sure.” He stared at me for a minute like, who the hell are you and what have you done with my mother? And, honestly, I was kind of thinking the same thing! But I did it, I walked a very excited 7 year old and a not so excited 10 year old to school this morning and DEMANDED kisses at the door! Then the 4 year old and I continued to walk for another 40 minutes.

Saying yes to my kid like that is one of the big reasons I decided to have surgery in the first place. So, all of the hunger and food craving aside, I really am excited to see what I will agree to next.

Stop taunting me you damned delicious little fish!