I have never posted two blog’s so close together, but my
life is moving pretty fast right now. I am overwhelmed by all of the positive feedback
and encouragement that I have been getting. Thank you everyone! And please,
continue to share.
I am on day 7 of my pre-op liquid diet for Lap-Band surgery.
When I last posted it was day 2. Ahhh, day 2, when I still had color in my
cheeks and joy in my heart. I was told by a friend that come day 3 I would hate
everyone that I love and will want to burn the house down. Well, that didn’t happen…till
day 6, and if I’m being honest a little bit day 5, and well, yeah, maybe day 3.
On day 4 I posted on Facebook about a conversation I had with Minion #3….
4 year old: "Mommy, you smell like diet"
Me: "Oh yeah? What does diet smell like?"
4yr old: "Oh. You know, sad."
So, that was cheery.
Day 5 was the day of
the frozen pizza. I should stop here and explain that my diet this week has consisted
of sugar free jello, sugar free popsicles, diluted diet Gatorade, and for protein,
clear chicken broth. Which I thought wouldn’t be so bad, but I forgot just how
much I loathe the taste of sugar free or diet stuff. Honestly I’d rather go
without than have the diet version of popsicles and jello. In fact, until this
week I would have told you that I would go hungry before eating that shit,
turns out that’s not the case.
So, day 5, the frozen pizza. Until day 5 I had managed to
avoid being around my family when they ate meals. I worked Monday and Tuesday
evening, so they ate dinner while I was at the library. Though, I will admit
(maybe I shouldn’t) that Tuesday night when I sat down at the table to “eat” my
broth, I saw a tiny piece of noodle and broccoli from dinner, and it took more
will power than I am willing to admit not to eat it. Wednesday a friend took
the boys to McDonald’s while the Pastor had back-to-back meetings and Thursday
was $.50 corndog day at Sonic…so…obviously.
But Friday, day 5…Fridays in our house generally mean family
pizza and movie night. If it’s the beginning of the month close to pay day we carry
out from Papa Johns, if it’s the end of the month we do Aldi frozen pizza. That’s
right, Aldi – none of that hoity-toity Red Barron stuff, what are we millionaires?
As you have likely assumed we are on a pretty tight budget, so as much as I
wanted to kick all four of my men’s cute little asses out of the house to eat anywhere else, it just wasn’t in the
cards. That afternoon after school I had already thrown a container of hummus
and a bag of veggie straws on the table and told the 3 minions to go crazy and
don’t talk to me until it was all gone or put away. Then I locked myself in my
room and watched Crazy Ex-Girlfriend until the coast was clear. That wasn’t too
bad because I couldn’t smell the hummus, and I turned the show up to drown out
the happy sound of satisfied crunching. But the Aldi pizza. Oh sweet heavenly
god’s of food and comfort, what hath thou brought upon me?!? It was terrible! I
sat in my room with the door closed desperately hoping that Netflix would carry
me away to place of comfort and safety. Wishing that I could think of anything, ANYTHING other than the delectable aroma
wafting, no bursting through my plaster walls like a sugar frenzied 4 year old
at a candy store looking for his next fix. It was coming for me, and I was
powerless to stop the smell, the vision of gooey cheesy deliciousness, and my
family as they devoured it and were certainly mocking me just beyond my door. I
picked a show to watch that I know by heart. A show that brings me peace like a
security blanket, It’s my security show. I watched Gilmore Girls. For anyone
who may be wondering, Gilmore Girls is NOT the show to watch when the goal is
to not think about food.
Day 6 was when I realized that I couldn’t keep my emotions
in check anymore. I told Minion #1 to clean the bathroom and when I inspected
it – I. Lost. My. Shit. I took one look at the sink and then looked at him…
Me: Do you call this clean?
#1:Um…well…yeah?
I then turned on my heels, stepped into my bedroom closed
the door and screamed all of the cuss words into my pillow, and ya’ll, when I
say all of the cuss words I mean ALL of the damn cuss words. When I emerged
from my room, red faced and sweaty, it was to find the boy standing there with
a bewildered look on his face…
#1: Woah.
Me: I’m taking a shower. Fix it.
#1: Um…how…I’ll figure it out.
He did, kinda.
But that is when I realized that perhaps the lack of
nutrition was getting to me just a little. Later that day at work I stood still
and watch the room move around me wondering if that’s what it feels like before
one passes out.
The worst of it though was somewhere in the middle. I spent
all night in a cold sweat, nauseous with my head slamming into my eyeballs. I
couldn’t sleep. I could barely move. It was terrible. All I could think was “What
in the hell is happening to me? Is this how I am going to die?!?!?!?” The next
morning I realized that I was going through sugar withdraw. I thought quitting
smoking was hard. I thought giving up caffeine was excruciating. Turns out
maybe some of those news reports and documentaries on the power of sugar were a
little more accurate than I wanted to admit.
Now it is day 7. The last day of my pre-surgery diet. Tomorrow at 8:30 (or so they say) I will be
knocked out cold while my doctor and some strangers play with my guts for an
hour or so. I have been told that the week following the procedure I will not
be hungry at all, and though I will still be on the liquid diet, with the
addition of protein water, I am very much looking forward to next week.
Again, thank you all for your comments and support. To be
truthful, one of the best distractions that I have had is watching my blog view
numbers double what they have ever been. So please, keep reading, keep
commenting, and keep sharing. My current state is so fragile that I don’t even
want to think what it would do to me if my numbers dip. J
See you on the other side.
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| I hate you sugar free Snack-Pack! |
