“It’s not nice to lie”. “We do not lie in this house.” “Remember
Pinocchio? His nose growing? You are
going to wish that was your punishment if you lie to me”. These are the things we as a society tell our
children. I know in our home we value honesty and kindness above all other
things. Well, that and sleep. Husband and I
really like sleep, and eating in peace, and pooping without interruption…But
HONESTY, that’s a big one with us. Or so we tell ourselves. We preach it to the
kids all of the time, we can incorporate honesty into almost any “teachable
moment”. But I realized this morning that perhaps
we are not always as honest with the children as we want them to be with
us. I mean, really I knew that, it’s a given, it is in the survival code of
parenting. But something that happened this morning has made me ultra-aware of
this reality…
It started last night when the oldest came into my room
extremely annoyed and in general fed up with the antics of his little brothers.
He told me that he HAD to tell me something and that it was extremely important
and that it was about his middle brother (or #2). How could I ignore that…
“Proceed”
“Huh? Oh right, you say weird things sometimes, so anyway,
Mommy, Do you know what he said? He said that he can do anything he wants and
get away with it! He said he won’t get into trouble because you don’t know!.................(silence)…………………………………………..WELL???
(arms flailing like a cartoon character) Go get him!”
“Thank you for sharing that with me. I will take care of it.”
GIANT SIIIIIIGH
I allowed this information to sit with me for a while, I
know he tries to pull a lot of shit. He waits until I am outside on the
playground having to focus on the 2 yr old and then goes into the apartment and
tries to do things like collect all of the bubbles off of the very top of the
tall bookshelf (his, his brothers, mine) and then sneak them outside in a plastic
shoprite bag saying that he is taking out the garbage. You know, taking the
garbage to the giant dumpster that he can’t reach in the parking lot where he
is not allowed. This particular incident, the bubble incident, was made even
more interesting when I came inside later to find 7 blankets stacked by the
shelf. It seems he used those to help him climb the shelf to get the bubbles
instead of using a barstool or a chair, which seems just a tiny bit more logical.
When I asked him why he simply said “In case I falled” Well sure.
But I digress… I know he tries to pull stuff all of the time
and sometimes I call him on it but sometimes if it isn’t a huge deal, like when
he “sneaks” a banana and leaves half of the peal on the banana tree, I let it
go. You know, pick your battles and all
that. So immediately I came to the conclusion that I can’t let anything go
anymore…Or can I?
I decided that I also need to have a little talk with him.
But as I can’t be sure that I actually know EVRYTHING he tries to get away with
I knew it was going to be a game of “are you smarter than a 4 year old”. (The
jury is still out on that) It went a little something like this…
“Hey Buddy, you know that every time you try to sneak
something or be sneaking about something I know about it right?”
L-o-n-g P-a-u-s-e
Innocent half smile “Mommy, what are you talking about?”
“I mean when you try to do stuff like sneak the bubbles outside
when you think I’m not paying attention, I know about it. I know that you try
to sneak around all of the time. I know what you are up to even if you think I
don’t” (mostly true)
Silence
“I see. Um. Mommy, I love you. Also, I need to give that
some thought. Can I have a minute?”
“Sure, gather your thoughts”
“I will do that Mommy.”
A little while later he approached me
“So Mommy, I have been thinking bout it. And I am very
sorry.”
“Thank you, what exactly are you sorry for?”
“Oh Mommy, I think you already know that”
(Rapidly trying to plot my next move) “Yes, well. I accept
your apology, but just remember I know when you’re up to something so don’t let
such things happen again. Ok?”
“Ok Mommy, no more such things.”
So, one might argue that I lied to my child as I have no
effing clue what he was apologizing for.
But truly it was for his own good just like it is for his own good when
I tell him that if he jumps off of the top bunk he WILL go to the hospital or
if he doesn’t wear his seat belt I WILL go to jail. So as I see it, I am not lying per say, just giving him colorful antic dotes or allowing him
to come to his own conclusions. I have
also decided that maybe I shouldn’t call him on EVERYTHING he tries to pull
because eventually he will figure out that there are things that I do not know
about and he will then deduce exactly what he can get away with and how to do
it. And then the real “Are you smarted than a 4 year old” game begins.
