Precious Little Liar

“It’s not nice to lie”. “We do not lie in this house.” “Remember Pinocchio? His nose growing?  You are going to wish that was your punishment if you lie to me”.  These are the things we as a society tell our children. I know in our home we value honesty and kindness above all other things. Well, that and sleep. Husband and I really like sleep, and eating in peace, and pooping without interruption…But HONESTY, that’s a big one with us. Or so we tell ourselves. We preach it to the kids all of the time, we can incorporate honesty into almost any “teachable moment”. But I realized this morning that perhaps we are not always as honest with the children as we want them to be with us. I mean, really I knew that, it’s a given, it is in the survival code of parenting. But something that happened this morning has made me ultra-aware of this reality…

It started last night when the oldest came into my room extremely annoyed and in general fed up with the antics of his little brothers. He told me that he HAD to tell me something and that it was extremely important and that it was about his middle brother (or #2). How could I ignore that…

“Proceed”

“Huh? Oh right, you say weird things sometimes, so anyway, Mommy, Do you know what he said? He said that he can do anything he wants and get away with it! He said he won’t get into trouble because you don’t know!.................(silence)…………………………………………..WELL??? (arms flailing like a cartoon character) Go get him!”

“Thank you for sharing that with me. I will take care of it.”

GIANT SIIIIIIGH

I allowed this information to sit with me for a while, I know he tries to pull a lot of shit. He waits until I am outside on the playground having to focus on the 2 yr old and then goes into the apartment and tries to do things like collect all of the bubbles off of the very top of the tall bookshelf (his, his brothers, mine) and then sneak them outside in a plastic shoprite bag saying that he is taking out the garbage. You know, taking the garbage to the giant dumpster that he can’t reach in the parking lot where he is not allowed. This particular incident, the bubble incident, was made even more interesting when I came inside later to find 7 blankets stacked by the shelf. It seems he used those to help him climb the shelf to get the bubbles instead of using a barstool or a chair, which seems just a tiny bit more logical. When I asked him why he simply said “In case I falled” Well sure.

But I digress… I know he tries to pull stuff all of the time and sometimes I call him on it but sometimes if it isn’t a huge deal, like when he “sneaks” a banana and leaves half of the peal on the banana tree, I let it go.  You know, pick your battles and all that. So immediately I came to the conclusion that I can’t let anything go anymore…Or can I?

I decided that I also need to have a little talk with him. But as I can’t be sure that I actually know EVRYTHING he tries to get away with I knew it was going to be a game of “are you smarter than a 4 year old”. (The jury is still out on that) It went a little something like this…

“Hey Buddy, you know that every time you try to sneak something or be sneaking about something I know about it right?”

L-o-n-g P-a-u-s-e

Innocent half smile “Mommy, what are you talking about?”

“I mean when you try to do stuff like sneak the bubbles outside when you think I’m not paying attention, I know about it. I know that you try to sneak around all of the time. I know what you are up to even if you think I don’t” (mostly true)

Silence

“I see. Um. Mommy, I love you. Also, I need to give that some thought. Can I have a minute?”

“Sure, gather your thoughts”

“I will do that Mommy.”

A little while later he approached me

 “So Mommy, I have been thinking bout it. And I am very sorry.”

“Thank you, what exactly are you sorry for?”

“Oh Mommy, I think you already know that”

(Rapidly trying to plot my next move) “Yes, well. I accept your apology, but just remember I know when you’re up to something so don’t let such things happen again. Ok?”

“Ok Mommy, no more such things.”

So, one might argue that I lied to my child as I have no effing clue what he was apologizing for.  But truly it was for his own good just like it is for his own good when I tell him that if he jumps off of the top bunk he WILL go to the hospital or if he doesn’t wear his seat belt I WILL go to jail.  So as I see it, I am not lying per say, just giving him colorful antic dotes or allowing him to come to his own conclusions.  I have also decided that maybe I shouldn’t call him on EVERYTHING he tries to pull because eventually he will figure out that there are things that I do not know about and he will then deduce exactly what he can get away with and how to do it. And then the real “Are you smarted than a 4 year old” game begins.