It has been a very long time since my last blog. Many things
have occurred in my life to give me perfectly reasonable excuses for this sabbatical
including but not limited to: packing to move half way across the country,
moving half way across the country, beating all of our worldly possessions to
our new home, getting settled into a new church/ community, purchasing a house,
convincing my children we do not need a puppy, deciding that I need a puppy,
trying to convince husband that he needs a puppy, and so on…
So, you see, I have a plethora of excuses for not writing
for several months, but the truth is, I simply have not known what to say. I
have had enough experiences and stories to fill a book I just haven’t made
myself sit down and write. And Truth be told I am still not convinced I have
anything to say that people want to read. But, this morning I logged onto
facebook to write a status post that started to seem a little long, so here I
am taking a shot a blogging once again.
I think on some level I have known this for some time, but
today, I am saying it to the world, putting it out there, looking ahead with no
turning back…
I am now officially
making it my life's goal to do the following...
*Bide my time until my son’s are adults with adult
responsibilities.
*Make a point of knowing when each son has a shit ton of
business to take care of.
*Show up at his home or business and wait until he is not
just on the phone but IN THE MIDDLE of an important phone call and that that call is the first in a long string
of calls that he will absolutely have to make that day.
And then....
* Scream
*Make insane,
unreasonable, beyond ridiculous demands
* Tug on his clothes,
and perhaps, if the windows are open, pants him
*Throw balls at him
*Climb dangerous
furniture
*Turn the t.v. up CRAZY
loud
*Empty the freezer
*Go outside in just my
underwear
*Pour milk on the floor
*Close/turn off his laptop,
tablet, phone, etc.
*Go into a room that is off limits and destroy it
*And on, and on, and on
I will then calm down and settle into an activity giving him
a false sense of security, making him believe that he has appeased me with
goldfish and a different T.V. show than the 3 that he tried while talking on
the phone. I will snuggle up with a blanket and smile sweetly. I will allow him
all of the peace and quiet that he could ask for while he sits on hold
listening to a mellow saxophone version of “Like A Virgin” (I will wait as long
as it takes) and as soon as an actual human person says “Hello, my name is___”
I will start my crazy ass shenanigans ALL. OVER. AGAIN.
When it is all over and he has either abandoned his cause or
pushed through it and finished his business I will kiss him on the cheek, tell
him I love him, and leave quietly to start all over again with his brother. I
will do this until I have visited each one of my children and fully
accomplished all of the tasks I have laid out. I will not rest until this is
done. I understand that this could take years but that is ok, the sweet feeling
of accomplishment I will feel when I have finished my goal will be worth the
wait.
