A few days ago I had a rather awkward but important encounter.
The small details are not important but the sentiment behind it is.
I approached my van with two crazy Kindergartners in tow and
found a man hovering. I politely waited so that he could get by or get into the
car next to mine but he just lingered, so I went to get in, as I was opening
the door he advanced and said “I was waiting for you”.
I should probably clarify here that it was the middle of a
very sunny day and I was in the packed parking lot of my kid’s school. That being noted, my thoughts weren’t “STRANGER
DANGER” or anything like that, more like “Ah hell, what did my kid do”. This
guy seemed visibly uncomfortable and a little intense so as the seconds
stretched between me mumbling something like “umm…ok?” and him telling me why
he was looming my thoughts became a bit more absurd. I started thinking, maybe
he has some kind of dirt on us with which to black mail our family. Maybe he
knew about the other day when I couldn’t fit anything else into recycling so I
threw the recyclables in the regular trash can. Or maybe he has been admiring
my hotness in car line all of these months and was wondering if boys really do “like
a little more booty to hold at night” as Meghan Trainor’s Momma suggested.
I stood half in my car with the door between us
when he finally pointed to my van and said something about his kid opening his
car door to wide and making a mark. I just stared at him for a second, (this
was very anti-climactic) and then said, “Oh that’s cool no big deal”. But he
wanted to make sure I saw it. After I looked and saw nothing and again assured him
that all was well, something occurred to him, “You know what?” he said “He should be apologizing” Which is a
parenting technique that I completely support so I waited. He told the kid to
get out of the car half a dozen times and I felt for him. We have all been there,
trying our damndest to parent like a champ and the kid is totally not having
it. Finally the pitiful tear stained face appeared as he tumbled over his
brother and out of his dad’s car. He sobbed “sorry” to the ground and I waited
a beat for the dad to decide if that was an acceptable apology, it was not. I would
have made my kid try again too so I stood and waited for him to look me in the
eye (as instructed by dad) and apologize again.
Overall this encounter was uncomfortable at best. I did not
particularly enjoy leaning clumsily against my van while 2 kindergartners were
wreaking havoc inside and an overly intense dude tried to make me care about a scratch
I could not see. If it were up to me I would have been sitting in my driver’s
seat with the air blasting listening to my son and his friend discus the hot
topics of the day. But, you see, dear reader, this was not about me. This was
about a father parenting his son. A parent doing his best to teach his small
human what it is to be a responsible person in the world. Because of this I
stood, and leaned and shuffled my feet and patiently waited while this young
person scrounged up all of the courage he had to look me in the eye and say some
of the hardest words in the English language “I’m sorry”.
I had hella respect for the dad who recognized that he,
himself did nothing wrong but that his child did. (Though I really wasn’t
worried about it) And that the kid (if anyone) should be the one to apologize.
This parent made his son accept responsibility and own up to it and I applaud
them both. Though I did not actually applaud them, the encounter was awkward
enough plus my hazard lights had begun to flash and I could hear giggling from
inside my van.
This story is important because it is not often told. There
is a constant barrage of parental criticisms on social media. There is a never
ending stream of memes spouting the phrase “back in my day…” followed by a list
of behaviors and rules that people claim to have followed years ago but no
longer see in kids. If I read one more thing on facebook about how parents and
children were superior humans “back then” to the parents and their kids today I am going
to…well, probably ignore it and do nothing but, it will really piss me
off!
Meanwhile, I am trying my best to raise my kid’s the way the
father in my story is raising his. My kids are taught to be polite and respectful
and look people in the eye and so on… And I’ll tell you, it’s not always easy to
do in this fast paced world. Many of the same people who love to bitch about
the way kid’s behave would not have taken the time to allow this father to
parent the way he needed to, or to allow his poor scared kid to muster up the
guts to do the right thing. Kids are imperfect
human beings, as we all are, and I know that it is no one else’s job to help me
raise my kid’s. But, we all live in this world and wouldn’t it be a little
nicer out there if people took the time to help kids learn how to be
responsible humans instead of blowing them off?
So, there you go, my high horse for the month. Thank you for
reading, enjoy the rest of your day and the next time you feel wronged by a
kid, or any other person, give them the chance to do the right thing before you
make a call. They may well be an asshole, but at least you will be a little
better for it.
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| Here is a picture of me and my boys because if I don't add a picture to the blog facebook does weird things when I try to share the post. |
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